It's a very interesting feeling-adoption.
I've been so busy lately, like up-to-my-neck-in-things-to-do-so-I'll-just-watch-T.V.-and-procrastinate-since-there-is-no-logical-starting-point busy. Between fundraising (look at the thermometer!!!) finishing up our home study, mailing of immigration paperwork, sewing, and, oh yeah, raising a toddler, running a house, and remembering to make time for a shower, I can't remember the last time I woke up without a mile-long to-do list.
Seriously.
It's kept me so busy though that I actually haven't been able to think about our sweet baby as much lately. In some ways this is good, I am crying a lot less (okay, that's not true I am crying the same amount but over silly things like paperwork) and it wasn't until the day after mother’s day that I really sat down and felt the weight of missing my child. My heart literally hurt with heaviness.
But it’s a weird feeling. Not the same as if Eva were away from me, because I already know Eva in a way that I can’t say I know my other child. It hurts, it aches, but it feels weird in a way too. I mean, how can you miss someone you’ve never even met? Never even seen a picture of? Know absolutely NOTHING about?
One of my dearest friends in the entire world wrote me a text message the other day saying, "Wow, I never really thought about how it would feel like to be separated from you child. I mean, I knew that when they got HOME they would be yours, but I never thought about you already loving and missing them." (This of course is paraphrased, because as we’ve already discussed I suck at keeping track of all-things phone.)
It's a peculiar thought, I am in love with a stranger. It seems impossible, but it isn’t; they won't always be a stranger, one day they will be my child.
My child is a complete and total stranger.
It just feels funny, it's an emotion I can't put my finger on or explain to people. Sometimes when we eat dinner I look at the other seat at our table, just briefly enough so no one else notices, because I feel like we are missing someone. Sometimes I look at Eva sleeping in her bed and glance to the other side of the room almost thinking I need to check on another one. Or perhaps I am just wishing there was someone else already home to check on.
Most of the time things feel very normal, the busy
I try not to focus on the empty feelings though-that can only lead me to frustrations with time lines, and I really want this to be God’s story, not mine. He has done a wonderful job of sustaining me lately; I should have just given Him the job all along.
Speaking of God, did you hear the news? If you follow us on FACEBOOK you would have-we received two HUGE pieces of news this week!
No, we didn’t get a referral (darn), and no the boat didn’t sell.
BUT, we have the privilege and honor to speak at Discovery Fellowship THIS SUNDAY (5-27 at 9:45am) about our adoption journey thus far, and adoption needs in general. Seriously, who gets to do stuff like that?! Praise God!
We are ALSO being interviewed by our local news channel 2 for a special interest piece about our Wheelbarrow Walk for Adoption! They are coming this Monday afternoon to interview us (I better get to cleaning), and this is one of the COOLEST things to happen to us on our journey so far.
I mean, we get the chance to share with our ENTIRE COMMUNITY our story, our efforts, and most importantly the great need children of this world have for forever homes.
Thanks God, you are so much better at driving than I am. Sorry it took me so long to give you the wheel.
If you can, please come to Discovery Fellowship and support us, and if you are in the area please head over to our FACEBOOK page (why haven’t you already?!) and “like” us so you can see our air date. Please pray we don’t completely and totally mess either of these huge things up. I don’t want to have any *fist-palm* stories to tell you next week.
FINANCES AND PROGRESS
Our 1-600a paperwork was priority overnighted on Thursday, as was our dossier packet, so now it’s just a big game of waiting. Waiting on that phone call to introduce us to our little man or little lady. We are doing very well financially, though we still have just under 14k to go, please continue being in prayer with us for the financial part of the journey. The finances are just a means to an end though, so when we get there please don’t stop praying!
Several friends have taken an interest in the adoption blogging world (COOL!) and have shared with me some cool stories. If you would like so additional reading check out these two posts that struck my heart this week.
Lastly, the hubs and I celebrate four years of marriage today. Go us! Here is a picture, because I know you are dying for one.
And Miss Eva Grace wanted to close out the blog with her thoughts on the process so far. I think she summed it up pretty nicely.
This post brought back so many feelings for me. I too, remember feeling my heart could burst with the overflow of love I had for a child I hadn't met yet, but all I knew was that child was out there in the world and he/she was meant to be mine. I called it "birthing pains" because just like we go through the pain of labor to bring forth our child through our physical bodies, we also go through the pains of bringing forth a child in our hearts. Thank you for always sharing your heart with us. I know and believe your child will come home soon.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to know I am not alone! What a perfect picture this part of the process is, our "birthing pains"! Thanks as always for your sweet encouragement Denise :) we are hopeful they will be home soon too!
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