Wanted: Our Baby

My name is Ashleigh, here is our story.

On November 1st, 2008 only 5 months after we were wed, God gave me a wake up call. A call to put him back in the center of my life where He belonged.

We both grew up in the Church, and had relationships with Jesus. But we were both in a season of life where we had been wandering for awhile. We were living for ourselves instead of for God. We both realized that and had been slowly coming back to Church, but we were the folks sitting in the pews in the back, ready to sneak out as soon as the service was over, not wanting to really be involved. Only really giving our hearts to God on Sundays during Church hours. We had both begun to realize this, and prayed for God to give us motivation to get reconnected.

And then He did….

It was a snowy, slushy November night as we drove the several hour drive home from Portland Oregon where we had just been visiting. When it started snowing it tried to stick, but the temperatures outside simply turned everything into a slushy wonderland. We were driving down a long stretch of road on a two lane highway that was lined with tall massive pine trees on either side. All you could see was the road ahead, and trees all around. It was rather beautiful actually, growing up near Lake Tahoe has instilled in me a deep love for forests and pine trees, so I had no cares in the world as we drove.

We were mostly alone on the highway, and the area we were in had little to no cell service. We were at least 30 minutes to the nearest town, and over an hour away from the nearest hospital.

A car turned onto the road behind us, and as Halloween had just passed we began asking eachother spooky questions, like “what would you do if that car started chasing us down and they were ax-murderers?” You know, 7-year-old type questions. Little did we know that that very same car with the “potential serial killer in it” would be our saving grace of the night.

We continued driving, the car following slowly behind us, when we pulled up behind a truck going pretty slow so TeJay decided to pass the truck.

In passing TeJay realized he had sped up way to fast, and was now going 70 mph. As we attempted to pull back into our lane our wheels got caught in the slush that had been building on the road. We began to fishtail, on a two lane highway lined with nothing but sturdy and strong pine trees on either side.

It seems like it took years for the flipping of the car to happen, but I also find it very hard to remember the crash as well, because it went so fast. One second we were fishtailing and I thought okay, we are just going to stop. But we didn’t. I noticed a slight break in the trees (the first one we had seen in over 20 minutes and the only one of any length) and at that moment I knew we were going off the highway. Again I thought to myself, okay we are just going to fly off the road and come to a stop. But we didn’t.

Our back tires hit the slush and we began to slide sideways on the road, and then off of it. The tires then caught the ground and sent us into the first flip of three. The second flip was a bit more harsh as the car was crunching into the ground on my side at every turn. Apparently I was screaming, and apparently TeJay was telling me to hang on. I don’t remember either of those things happening. In my head it was quiet. Surreal. By the time we flipped for the third time TeJay said I stopped screaming and he was worried that the impact of the car had killed me. Since I don’t remember screaming to begin with, I can’t say why I stopped, but I was probably just in shock.

Finally, the car crunched to a halt on all four wheels. It was smashed to bits on the front, back and sides. The roof above TeJays head had been compacted and somehow (God) his seat went down to a fully reclined position to avoid the metal from crunching his skull.

When the car came to a stop, I opened my eyes and I couldn’t see straight.

I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I wanted out right away.

Our cell phones, shoes and all of our personal belongings were strewn all over the car caked in what at first appeared to be thick blood, but was mearly mud and gunk that the car had collected during each roll, as the windows were breaking and smashing.

I began to panick. I was convinced the car was going to blow up and I wanted out, right away. My door wouldn’t open and after several tries to force my way out, I ended up crawling out of TeJays side; barefoot in the snow, as far away from the car as possible.

The “ax-murderer” or so we had been calling him, turned out to be a young girl. A young terrified girl who had pulled over after witnessing our crash, expecting to find nothing but dead bodies and blood.

She saw that not only were we alive, but that we were somehow OUT of the car, and somehow NOT injured.

The sight of us sent her into a bit of a panic.

We tried repeatedly to call 911, but we were no where near any reach of service.

Quickly our life saving ax-murderer offered us her services and said she would drive us into town and into the nearest hospital.

Over the next few weeks I went through an extreme range of emotions. One minute I would literally scream to God in praise, and the next I would be weeping face down on the ground for hours on end.

I didn’t go into work for a full week, and my first day back I wept at the idiotic routine that had been life. I wore my hospital bracelet until it fell off. I didn’t want to forget.

I could go into a huge long list of the many reasons we shouldn’t be here because of that accident. I could point out that 3 people died on that same road that night due to the weather, and only one thing is different between our accident and theirs. The simple fact that we flipped into the only open ditch on the stretch of road while those people slid off the road head first into thick trees. I could point out that 5 seconds earlier or later we would have flipped into those same trees instead of the ditch, or the fact that we happened to land on our tires instead of our hood which would likely have crunched us both instantly.

I could literally go on and on about all of the ways we were spared that night, but it wouldn’t change the main point.

The car accident was a wake up call.

Time to live life, and live it with purpose. Since then TeJay often quotes Shaw Shank Redemption saying, “get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’”

Over the next several years God began to work on our hearts. Softening them to draw us near. Teaching us, molding us and shaping us, and he continues to do so today. These lessons were patient and steady and took us through roads of utter sorrow and great joy, and all lead up to the next great event in our life, the birth of beautiful Eva Grace.

On March 30th, 2010 a 7 lb 12 oz bundle of joy entered our lives, we have never been the same since.

We hadn’t been “trying” for a baby. I guess she is what you call a surprise baby, not an accident, a surprise. A welcome and blessed surprise.

The love we have for her is unmatched. We treasure her, love her, tell her about Jesus and his awesomeness, sing songs with her, have tickle fights, cuddle and spoil her.

Our original plan after the birth of Eva was to try for baby #2 when she was 1.

But since her birth neither of us has really felt the urge to “try for another one” so we kept putting it off. In August 2011 we decided that we would begin trying the next month, September.

I began to fantasize about what life would be like with two babies in the house.

I began to picture Eva playing with her little brother or sister, and my heart was happy at that thought. But something didn’t sit right.

Something felt off.

I went through a period of a week or so where every single time I stared into the eyes of my beloved daughter, I found a deep sorrow in my heart at my love for her, the love other babies need but don’t get.

I started to wonder, what if this beautiful baby girl was born to family that didn’t want her. What if my giggle cop, was born into a home that hurt her, or sexually abused her, or neglected her. What if this precious baby Grace who was growing at a wonderful and perfect rate (97% in height AND weight) was born into extreme poverty and didn’t know where her next meal would come from.

I tried to shake the thought and simply thank God that she wasn’t, I tried to simply thank God that she was born to me. That I am lucky enough to take care of her.

But the thoughts were like a leech. Completely stuck.

The more I began thinking about having another baby, the sicker I began to feel. How can I want to get pregnant when there are children out there who need rescue. Who need love?

How could I blatantly move forward with simply having another child and ignore the calling God has placed on my heart to adopt simply because adoption is more work?

But still, this longing in my heart. It’s coming from somewhere outside of myself. I can’t shake it, and to be honest I don’t want to.

(SIDE NOTE, I would like to stress that I feel WE are being called to adopt, I am not condemning anyone who feels otherwise.)

I hesitantly shared the idea with my husband on the way home from Bible study one night, and he was on board with the idea!

That was September of 2011. The next few months we talked about it, but did little to pursue it. In reality we didn’t have a clue where to start.

We went to a meeting and interview with our local foster care agency with mostly discouraging news.

Because of TeJay’s work schedule it is likely we will NEVER be able to attend the mandatory foster care classes. Not to mention, the age range we are looking for (younger than Eva at the time of adoption) could take one year, two years or possibly never.

Because of this we have begun exploring private adoption. Yes, it is expensive but can you put a price on a life? Can you put a dollar amount on giving a child a home, food, shelter and love? I don’t think so.

We are exploring our adoption options both domestically, and internationally. We are specifically exploring the Democratic Republic of Congo at this time. The costs for the DRC (the abreviation for the Democratic Republic of Cong0) are estimated to be between $20-22,ooo, which is the cheapest we have found so far.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t have 22k just laying around waiting for me to use at the drop of a hat.

The prospect of saving/raising that much money in the relatively short time frame it takes to adopt from Africa (10-18 months from the agency we are interested in) seems overwhelming. But I read a story in one of the most amazing books I’ve ever read outside of the Bible (see the book HERE) and the author, who is a pastor, shares his story of his own adoption of two boys from Russia. They were relatively “poor” for American standards when beginning the process, and had no idea where the funds would come from. They only knew this is what God wanted of them.

A younger man went to meet with the pastor one day for what he believed would be a typical counselling session. However, it turns out the young man was there to bestow a large financial contribution to the adoption. Being a man of pride, he attempted to reject the gift saying

“Oh, no, I appreciate that greatly, but I want you and your wife to use that money for your house, or your kids’ college education.”

To which the young man replied,

” Are you telling me you ALREADY have all the money on hand that you need for the adoption, its already paid for?”

“Well no but…”

“Well then I’m sorry to be disrespecful, but this isn’t really about you. I mean, we aren’t in a place where we can adopt right now, but we want to be a part of an adoption. We think God is calling us to this. And it seems to me as though maybe you’re too, I don’t know, prideful or something to receive this…maybe you need to repent of your pride and self-confidence and let somebody bless you.”

He begins to weep at the generosity of this, and eventually accepted this gift gladly.

Upon reading this I was overwhelmed. Not that we would expect any sort of miracle of that amount, but that, as he states later on

“Whatever the case is for you, pray for God’s provision. Enlist others in your congregation to pray with you for financial empowerment. God is a father, not a landlord. If God means for you to adopt, he’ll give you what you need to do so.”

The sheer truth of all if this lifted my spirits greatly!

$22,000 (or more) is a HUGE amount of money to you and I. But not to the God of the universe. Not to the God who knows the number of stars in the universe and the hairs on my head.

Not to the King of glory.

I have been blessed with the gift of Scrunch Nose Sews, and up until now we had no idea what we were to do with that blessing. What should we do with that money?

It seems the answers might be falling into place.

We are ready to see where God takes us in all of this, no matter where in the world it leads us.

We are ready to find our son or daughter, and bring them home.

I long for that child like nothing I can explain. I wonder, are they already born? Are they lonely? Do they cry for hunger at night? Do they thirst for physical touch? Are they pregnant in the safety of the birth mothers womb? Or are they not even conceived yet?

These questions rattle my brain and make it hard to sleep at night.

They make me so thankful for our beautiful daughter Eva Grace, and that we already know she is safe. We already have her.

So there you go, the story of

Wanted: Our Child.

Thank you for coming along to share the ride with us!

With Love and Pursuit of Jesus Christ,

-TeJay, Ashleigh and Eva Harvey.