Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

We were sought and found,

Now we seek to find

Our missing piece

Chosen by the Divine

I think about our child all of the time. I hug Eva a bit tighter than I used to, and take more kisses than I did. I am so thankful we already have Eva Grace and that I can

love her every day all day long.

I can't wait until we have our family all together though, now that we have made the decision to adopt it seems like its going to be forever until we cross the finish line. The other day we had a family hug and TeJay said to Eva, "maybe this time next year we will be hugging your brother or sister too." He is right, we could have a new child this time next year, how exciting! In a sense this makes us expecting parents, and I feel a very similar excitement that I did when I was pregnant with Eva. Only this time around is a bit different. This time around I can't take my prenatal vitamins and eat good meals for my baby. I can't get a good nights sleep and visit the doctor for health checks. I don't get to carry my future child around with me at all times; in fact I have no idea where in the world my child even is. I have no idea if he or she is born, hungry, lonely, scared or in need. That part is heartbreaking. That part I can't seem to escape. I pray for our child daily, the same ways I do for Eva. I pray and am trusting that God will protect our child until we get them home. Until we can bring them into our family forever.

It seems a bit odd to us that not everyone understands our decision and motives to adopt instead of get pregnant again let alone from Africa. Most people are overjoyed and encouraging, others a bit confused, and a rare few seem discouraged by it. Some people seem to be of the opinion that as a "white family" we shouldn't seek to adopt a "black child" since it would be "unfair" to them growing up.

I get the concerns people have and where they are coming from, but I still struggle with getting frustrated at questions like this. So, because we are white we should let the children starve to death, that is the better option in this scenario? I think it just shows that our worldviews are too small and narrow. That as far as we have come with racism, we still like to keep ourselves into neat tidy categories we can clearly label. "White family." "Black family."

We don't see it this way and want our only label to be "our family."

True, we won't know what it is like to be "the black child" in the family, but hopefully our child won't either. We have no intentions on raising them as though they are different or don't fit in. It will simply be our child, not our adopted child, or our black child, just our child. Sure, they will be interested in their past, and I am sure we will teach all of our children all about Africa, the culture and where they came from, but we won't raise him or her as though they are still Congolese. They are a part of our family, and our family is American. I am sure we will have struggles that other parents might not have, but really, what parent doesn't have struggles with their children from time to time? We are just trusting God and that this is His calling on our lives, the rest we will tackle one day at a time.

To us the choice is easy, but that is because we view adoption through a different lenses than the world, or rather a mirror. We view adoption through our own adoption in Christ Jesus. Thank God he didn't look at me and say, "She is white and not Jewish. I can't have her in my family."

Now lets get one thing clear, we aren't putting ourselves in the same realm as Jesus. We aren't the "saviors" in the picture. We aren't doing this as our "good deed" or "charity" either. We are doing it because God is calling us to, plain and simple, and we believe all children deserve love.

Russel D. Moore says it so simply and perfectly in his book Adopted for Life.

"The protection of children isn’t charity.

It isn’t part of a political program fitting

somewhere between tax cuts and gun rights….It’s spiritual warfare."

"Imagine if Christian churches were known as the place where

unwanted babies became BELOVED children.”

Notice how he doesn't say "imagine if Christian churches were known as the place where unwanted babies were adopted." He says imagine if they became BELOVED children. That is exactly what we intend to do, we intend to seek for our child and love them with a full heart and mind.

Our Progress:

First of all I would like to thank everyone out there who has encouraged us since we announced the start of our journey. The support we have received so far has been overwhelming! Please continue to pray for us as often as possible throughout these next few months as we start the process that includes mountains of paperwork and a home study.

After a lot of research and input we have officially selected One World Adoptions as our agency. We submitted the application two days ago and are mailing off the printed copy today. Pray for us there are no hiccups with anything and that we are quickly selected into the program!

The next steps for us are to find an agency that offers home-studies and begin that process. I know I shouldn't be as worried as I am about the home-study, but it's hard not to worry when someone will be coming in with a fine toothed comb and inspecting our lives! I just need to remember, God is in control. Not me! God is in control. Not me!

Finances:

It really does take a village.

We have enough in our personal savings to begin the process and at least get our agency fees paid partially, but we are destined to run out quick if we aren't proactive in our pursuit of help.

It's a very hard thing and humbling thing to ask people for financial support, even when it comes to something like adopting, and as I have been organizing an auction for the end of the month I've been forced to do it over, and over, and over again. I am humbled and blessed to say that the responses we've received so far have been very gracious and generous. Several messages have sent me to tears, and all of the donations we have received remind me that God is behind this, He will get us there.

As much as I know this, and as much as I know God is in control, I can't help but panic sometimes. Earlier today when I sat down and looked at the list of fees again I could feel my heart start racing and my blood pressure rising.

"We can't raise $22,000, what on Earth are we thinking?! What if we can't pay all of the fees when they are due? What if we get half way through and run out of money? How will we feed ourselves if we are that in debt?"

Worry. Anxiety. Angst.

And then a moment of clarity seeps in.

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:28-34)

One day at a time, one dollar at a time, one penny at a time if we have to. God will get us there. It seems like a lot of money, and it is, but that's 2,200 people chipping in $10.00. That is .00734% of the Reno/Sparks population chipping in a week of Starbucks to give a child a home. This mountain is not impossible.

Other than that, I will continue fundraising. Collecting sending emails asking for donated items auction off, sewing until my fingers ache, and saving every penny we can. We will also be reevaluating our "needs"

One day at a time.

One day at a time.